


hazy and spun out, more than just friends

by askmeaboutmyoctopustheory



Category: Marvel 616, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Aggresively Stereotypical Indiana Behavior, Alternate Universe - Office, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Gay Bucky Barnes, Implied Transphobia, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Living Together, M/M, Roommates, Slow Burn, Trans Clint Barton, gratuitious tomato references, midwestern gothic, oh my god they were roommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:06:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23372152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/askmeaboutmyoctopustheory/pseuds/askmeaboutmyoctopustheory
Summary: “It’ll get them off our back for a while.” Bucky finished lamely.“You realize we’d have to get married to truly get away from our family’s meddling, right?”“Eh, we can probably amicably break up after you’ve got a life set up here in Indianapolis.”“Alright Barnes.” Clint sighed but chuckled quietly. “Let’s date.”----this is an AU based on those reddit husbands
Relationships: Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton
Comments: 75
Kudos: 170





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ok 
> 
> so i suppose i should link the [actual real life story](https://twitter.com/redditships/status/1241613092875841536)
> 
> i might be changing that a little bit obviously, and i'm clearly (slightly)exaggerating that shitiness of small town life in the midwest
> 
> anyway! i have this (not really) planned out ish so stay tuned :D
> 
> thank you bobble for the pre-read 
> 
> title from getaway green by all time low

Sunday night dinners had been a staple in the Barnes family household for as long as James could remember. Even if none of them really talked to each other anymore at dinner. Becca was immersed in her textbooks, getting ahead of her courses for the upcoming week. George had a memoir of some business tycoon or another in his hand, half heartedly picking at his casserole with the other. James was lost in his thoughts of upcoming meetings and conferences that when his mother inhaled sharply, it caused him to jolt.

“Oh James!! Dear, I have the most wonderful news!” Winnie’s eyes lit up. “You know old Mrs. Coulson? The sweet old lady who’s son would sometimes babysit you after school?”   
  
James blinked and his mind brought forward an older woman who would let him help her make jam but kept a sharp eye on him. If memory was serving him correctly, her son was also a bit of a stickler. He nodded cautiously.

Winnie nodded enthusiastically. “Well! Phil- gosh he’s only a bit younger than us George isn’t he?-Phil’s daughter is home from travelling abroad.”

Bucky’s stomach sank like a stone and any appetite he had immediately sank with it. He had an idea where this might be going. 

“Oh?” He supposed he should feign interest to get the conversation over with sooner.

“Yes! And she’s single….” 

Winnie’s voice trailed off and Bucky could see his sister biting her lip in repressed laughter. Bucky held his hand out to collect the rest of the family’s plates and stood up with a thin smile.

“Got it, mom.” 

The Barnes family, much like Bucky’s time in the army, operated as Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. Except for Becca, thankfully. After Bucky told his parents in high school that he liked boys, he was met with sad eyes and their family minister coming over the next Sunday night to talk to him. He never brought it up again and George and Winifred acted like they never heard it. Now that Bucky had a business degree from Notre Dame and was established in Indianapolis, his parents were itching to hand over the reins to the family business. The Barnes’ had been the primary supplier of tomatoes to the greater Indiana for many generations. 

Bucky had been working as a local manager for his father from Indianapolis. When George retired; he wanted Bucky to move back to Shelbyville, to the land that his family had started the farm on many years ago. His parents wanted him to be a settled man, with a wife and 2.5 kids and a golden retriever by that time. Something about maintaining the trust of board members and investors. 

He tossed and turned in his childhood bedroom that night. He regretted telling his mother that he would stay over and be at the house while a landscaper came by the next day. Bucky was laying on the couch watching the methodical swish of the fan blades above him and hearing the annoying buzz of the weed whacker when the doorbell startled him. 

Bucky opened the door and was met with a mess of blonde hair and a scowl.

“Hello?”

“James, right?” Bucky didn’t even have time to answer. “Listen, I don’t know what you were told about me, but this is  **not** going to be what you want.”   
  
“What?”   
  
“I’m not gonna be your stepford wife with a farm full of kids. I’m not gonna be anyone’s wife because I’m not a girl.”   
  
Bucky just felt himself blinking stupidly at the blond. They were tall and skinny with a tan that could’ve only come from spending a lot of time in the sun.

“I promise I’m not trying to mock you or anything but I truly have no clue what you are talking about?” Bucky looked around and realized that they were still awkwardly standing on the porch in the summer heat. “Do you, uh, want to come in?”

The blond grumbled but followed Bucky inside.

“So- um.” Bucky scratched his neck awkwardly. “What?”

“Phil Coulson’s kid?? You were apparently gonna try and date me and get a happy midwestern bible belt life?” 

“My mom said that-”   
  
“Yeah, that’s me.” The defiant blue eyes stared down at Bucky. “I’m Clint. I’ve spent the last year pretty much hiding from my family and saving up money so I can move away.”

“So…”

“Jesus Christ didn’t you graduate from Notre Dame? Do I have to spell it out for you? Our parents tried to set us up, but I’m not gonna be your wife because I’m not a girl. I’m just in between places right now so I’m at my Grandma’s house. Once my name change gets legalized I’m hoping to never come back to this goddamn place.” 

Bucky just stared at him and Clint stared back with his arms crossed defensively. After a moment Bucky just broke out into a laughing fit so hard that he had to sit down.

“I’m glad you find this so amusing.” Clint said coldly, turning to leave.

“Wait! No!” Bucky grabbed Clint’s arm. “I’m sorry. I’m not mocking you.” Clint just raised an eyebrow. “I’m... I’m queer as a three dollar bill, man. I’m not looking for a wife.”

They both just stared at each other for a few moments until Clint too, started laughing, joining Bucky on the sofa with his long limbs akimbo. 

“Damn if that’s not serendipitous.” Bucky said with a twitch of his mouth that could be a grin. “Where’re you trying to move once you save up?”

“Dunno, really. Any big city.” Clint shrugged. “Anywhere that’s not-”   
  
He gestured around vaguely. Bucky understood. The cicadas buzzing. The rows and rows of tomatoes down the hill behind the house. The corn across the street. The “Jesus Saves” billboard down the road.

“Yeah I get that.”

They were quiet for a moment again.

“D’you-”   
  
“What-”   
  
“Sorry.” They said at the same time. 

“Do you want some iced tea?” Bucky asked somewhat awkwardly.

“Nah, I should get goin’. Oh, here.” Clint handed Bucky an empty tupperware. “This was gran’s flimsy excuse for sending me over here. Your mom makes good cookies.”

“Oh.” Bucky responded. “She puts pumpkin in them.”   
  
“Nice.” Clint’s voice was amused. “Well then, see you around, James?”

“Bucky.” He clarified, his brain suddenly catching up with the conversation and cringing. “My friends call me Bucky.”   
  
  


\-------

  
  


Bucky’s mother called him in the middle of the week as he was eating takeout on his sofa. His cat Alpine took the opportunity to steal a piece of Bucky’s kung pao chicken as he picked up the phone. 

“NO, bad girl!! Hello mom.”

“Oh hello dear.” Winifred’s voice had the tone like she was scheming something. “I just had the loveliest chat at bible study.”

“Ok?” 

“With Mrs. Coulson.” She hinted heavily. “You didn’t mention that Emma came by the other afternoon!?”

“Oh- uh…”   
  
“Well, I won’t say I told you so but I knew you two would get along! I won’t keep you, dear. Oh I’m so happy for you!.”   
  
She hung up without another word leaving Bucky frowning at his phone. He had been texting Clint since he left his parent’s house on Sunday. They had talked about growing up in their little small town and work and life. Clint was an artist, he got by doing commissions online. Bucky had totally unrelatedly looked inwardly at his company branch to see if there were any graphic designer job positions open. 

There were.

Clint’s dad was quietly very supportive of him. It was the family matriarch that had the iron, transphobic grip on the reins. Clint had said that his grandmother could easily ruin his father’s reputation in their small town where everyone knew everyone. 

Bucky shooed Alpine away from his food again and pulled up the text conversation he had been having with Clint.

**So, I have an idea**

_ Oh? One of your big brained business school ideas? _

**No. An idea for both of us**

_ I’m intrigued. _

Bucky gnawed on his lip and fiddled with his phone a bit.

Clint watched the typing bubble pop up and disappear and pop up again. And then disappear. And then Bucky called him.

“What on Earth has got you so worked up Buckaroo?”   
  
“Listen. I have….. An Idea.” 

“You already said that.”   
  
Bucky made a small grumbling noise. “WhatIfWeDated”   
  


“Pardon?”   
  
“What if we… uh. Dated? Like. Uh.”   
  
“I thought we already established that that is not what-”   
  
“No, listen.” Bucky cut him off impatiently. “We date for a while, my parents and your grandmother think that we’re the picture of Midwestern Domestic Bliss. You move to Indianapolis and live in my spare room.”

Clint made an affirmative noise on the other end of the line. 

“It’ll get them off our back for a while.” Bucky finished lamely.    
  
“You realize we’d have to get married to truly get away from our family’s meddling, right?”

“Eh, we can probably amicably break up after you’ve got a life set up here in Indianapolis.”

“Alright Barnes.” Clint sighed but chuckled quietly. “Let’s date.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HI SORRY IT'S BEEN LIKE A MONTH SINCE I STARTED THIS I HAVE TOO MANY THINGS I WANNA WRITE I'M A HUMAN DISASTER
> 
> SORRY THIS IS SO SHORT TOO I DIDN'T WANT TO GO INTO THE NEXT SCENE IN THIS CHAPTER BECAUSE IT'S A LOT

Clint bit down a grin at dinner later that week. His grandmother had been unsubtly asking for information about Clint meeting Bucky.

“Yeah, we got along real well, Gran.” Clint smiled at her, getting ready to drop the bomb that Bucky had told him earlier. “Turns out there’s a graphic design position in his branch in Indy and I’m gonna apply for it.”

“That’s quite a move, dear.” His grandmother said stiffly.

Clint shrugged and chanced a glance at his father. “I’ve got a bit saved up, I’m not too worried.”   
  
“That’s great.” Phil said thinly. 

Clint sighed a bit. His father supported him as much as he could, but it wasn’t much. Clint texted Bucky furtively under the table, well aware of his grandmother’s gaze and knowing that it would no doubt add to the narrative they were spinning to their families. It was thrilling, feeling his freedom so close and attainable.

“Thanks for dinner, gran.” Clint pushed himself back and took his plate to the sink before escaping to his room. 

He had been slightly exaggerating that he only had a bit saved up. Turns out, when you’re willing to draw anthropomorphic animals, trained artists can make quite a bit of dough online. Clint had a solid client base and a decent reputation in the community that he served. He had spent his time living on his best friend’s couch doodling on his tablet and filling commissions. Clint’s eyes flickered to his old hello kitty alarm clock and as if on cue, his skype notification started going off.

“My ‘Clint’s about to do something dumb’ senses were tingling.” She said in lieu of a hello.

“Nice to see you too, Nat. You act like we haven’t had scheduled calls every week since you booted me from your couch.” Clint grinned at his best friend who just countered with a raised red eyebrow.

Natasha had gone to school with Clint for the two years of middle school. Easily the worst time of growing up, but she had made it somewhat bearable. Her adoptive father had been stationed at the nearby Air Force base and had been reassigned after those two short years. Luckily when it came to high school, Clint was able to fade into the blur of art students and rely on his reputation of formerly having a combative best friend.

When Clint had moved out on the morning of his 18th birthday, he dropped out of school and went to Natasha’s place. Her father tried to convince him to join the Air Force but Clint had instead tagged along with Nat when she went off to college. They shared a series of one-bedroom apartments until she graduated with a pre-law degree and moved to New York. Now their weekly video chats were the best they could do.

“I have finely tuned senses when it comes to you doing dumb shit, Clint.”   
  


“I’m not doing any-” Clint broke in his sentence which is all Natasha needed to pounce.

“HA! I knew you were up to something. Spill.”

Clint shrugged and tried to sound nonchalant. “I’m seeing someone.”   
  
Natasha’s eyebrows shot up into her hair and her mouth dropped open. “And….?”   
  


Clint weighed his options of telling Natasha the truth or trying to see if he could lie convincingly enough to fool his best friend. He and Bucky would need to get pretty good at convincing people that they were together.

“Well… It’s kinda a situation.” Clint started off. 

“It always is with you.” Natasha said, sitting back to listen to Clint tell her the wild plan of action. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hello! this chapter is longer than the previous one, thank you for lovely comments and such. i know everyone is dealing with a lot and i am no exception but still thank you for being patient while i update this
> 
> we earn our M rating here *waggles eyebrows*

The actual act of moving to Indianapolis was rather uneventful. Bucky and Clint caravaned their cars filled with Clint’s bare essential belongings up to the city, moved them into what was formerly Bucky’s home office, and ordered pizza for their first night living together. 

Clint’s first day working at Bucky’s branch was a dull series of papers to sign and photos to be taken for ID pictures. He saw several people give him curious looks over the course of the day and wondered what all Bucky had told his new coworkers about him. He had agreed to meet up with Bucky for lunch and a tour of the small campus that Barnes Tomato Farms used for their Indianapolis branch. 

Clint felt self-conscious as he made his way to the executive floor of the building. A stressed-looking woman resting a phone on her shoulder barely nodded at him from her place at the desk. There were raised voices growing louder as Clint walked down the hallway towards the large office from which Bucky managed most of the business. The glass walls allowed Clint to see Bucky standing opposite two women in business suits with his arms folded and a stern look on his face.

Clint’s arrival clocked in his peripheral vision and distracted him momentarily. The morning had been a stressful jumble of meetings and numbers and investors and farmers. Some farmers who had lost a significant portion of crops had sent their lawyers to negotiate for subsidiation. Bucky cleared his throat loudly, interrupting the legalese and sending the lawyers on their way, promising to give their client’s file a look over. 

“-so much more of a hardass than his old man…” Clint overheard one of them complain as they walked past him without so much as a glance. 

Clint peeked into the glass cage that was Bucky’s office, where Bucky was scowling at the file on his desk like it might light on fire under his gaze.

“You, uh. Want to postpone lunch?”

Bucky jumped, startled a bit. “No! Let’s go, there’s a great sandwich and salad type place across the street!”

Clint followed Bucky out of the building and into the small cafe where they chatted about the boring paperwork that Clint had had to fill out and made small talk about the weather. Clint then spent the rest of the afternoon getting taught how the website editing worked and was tasked with picking out a font for the next farmer’s newsletter.

“You’re pals with Barnes, eh?” One of his co-workers asked him midway through the afternoon.

“Hm?” Clint blinked up from his computer screen. He always needed a mid-afternoon coffee break, and it seemed he needed it now. 

“James Barnes? Future CEO?” Kathy? Katie? Oh, Kate was her name said. “Word over the water cooler is that you guys know each other.”

“I guess so, yeah. We grew up in the same town and stuff.” Clint put a pod into the fancy coffee maker that was in the break room. 

“Mmh” Kate made an affirmative noise, apparently placated enough for the office rumor mill. 

Clint gave the young woman a sideways glance, but she just mimicked his actions with the second coffee maker. They leaned against the counter side-by-side while the machines gurgled and the smell of coffee filled the air. 

“Mm thank god.” Kate said as she inhaled the steam. “My girlfriend gave up caffeine for Lent once and it was the worst, I had to sneak regular coffee into the apartment.”

“There’s a time and a place for decaf.” Clint said. “That time is never.”   
  
“That place is the garbage.” Kate added with a grin as she plopped an ice cube and three sugar cubes into her cup.

When they returned to their open-flow workspace, Kate picked up her tablet and sketches and plopped onto the desk next to Clint’s. He gave a glance over to where the Design department head’s office was but Kate just scoffed. 

“Rogers doesn’t care where we sit, just that we get shit done.”

Over the next few hours, Clint learned that his direct supervisor was Bucky’s old friend from Notre Dame, that Kate had met her girlfriend fighting over the last carton of ice cream at 7-11, and that Bobbi and Janet from Finance were flirting so obviously that everyone knew but them. 

When 5 o’clock rolled around, Clint waved goodbye as she went to submit her rough draft to their supervisor. Bucky was waiting at his car, typing something furiously on his phone.    
  


“Good first day?” He asked Clint without looking up until he pressed send on the email. “Or at least not bad enough to want to go back to Shelbyville?”

“It’d have to be pretty bad for that to be an option.” Clint laughed and got into the passenger side of the car. “It was good, made friends with a coworker after lunch.”

“Oh that’s good. I’m hoping I can bring most of the team at this branch up to executive level when I eventually take over.” Bucky shifted his hands uncomfortably on the steering wheel. “It’s the largest branch, it’d make sense.” 

“Based on what I’ve seen it’s an efficient one too.”

Bucky nodded and steered them onto the beltway to get home. Their apartment was a quiet relief from the busy workplace and high-stress traffic of Indianapolis rush hour. Clint flopped onto the sofa to read all of the texts Natasha had sent him while Bucky disappeared into his bedroom. After reading through the stream of messages, Clint decided to just call Nat to fill her in on his first day of the new job.

“Hey loser.” She said as she answered the video chat. 

“Hey asshole.” 

“How was the first day?” She asked after rolling her eyes. “Is it thrilling being a big-city executive?”   
  
“You literally live in New York.”

“Yeah, but it’s all relative.”

“It was good, as first days go.”   
  
“It wasn’t like 8th grade where I’m gonna have to pour chocolate milk down Trick’s shirt?”

Clint winced. “No, not like that.”

“You think you’ll like it?”   
  
“It doesn’t really matter, Nat. I had to get outta there.” Clint said, fiddling with a thread on the sofa. “But yeah I think I’ll like it enough.”

“Are you going to keep commissions open?”

Clint glanced over to where his art tablet was on the coffee table. He wanted to keep posting his art online, but with steady income he might not be so limited in subject matter. 

“Maybe a few slots, but hopefully I won’t need to.”

Natasha just nodded and opened her mouth as if to speak but they were interrupted by what sounded like a yelp from Bucky’s room. 

“Is that-?” 

“-Shhh” 

He looked over at Bucky’s bedroom door, wondering if he should check if Bucky was ok. Clint was getting off the sofa when he heard a noise that was definitely not a noise of pain. A distinctly sexual moan slipped through the thin walls and Clint could feel his face burn bright red. He hurried back to the sofa and stared at Nat through the phone screen with wide eyes. Clint hung his head and bit into his fist to keep from either laughing or screaming. Another noise came from Bucky’s room and Clint decided he should busy himself.

After saying goodbye to Nat, he loudly rummaged through the kitchen and found ingredients for spaghetti. Clint decided to make enough for both of them as a placation for the undoubtedly awkward conversation that was incoming. 

The pasta was almost done boiling and the pasta sauce(made with Barnes tomatoes) was almost heated when Bucky came out of his bedroom. He had changed out of his business suit and into joggers and an old t-shirt. His hair was in a little topknot.

“Oh you didn’t have to make dinner.” Bucky said cheerfully, sitting on a stool by the counter. 

Clint felt himself blush again as he dished up plates for both of them. He worried his bottom lip in his teeth and tried to figure out how to start this conversation.

“You ok?” Bucky asked, slurping a noodle ungracefully.

“Yeah uh.” Clint swallowed. “You- uh. The walls aren’t very thick.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i don't know what this is and i have no excuses either

Bucky’s face was as red as the tomato sauce as his eyes grew wider. Clint just stood on the other side of the counter awkwardly, still holding the pot of spaghetti. 

“I haven’t had a roommate in so long I’m sorry.” Bucky mumbled into his hands, the blush spreading over his ears and neck. 

“Hey it’s ok. I get it.” Clint said awkwardly. “You seemed like you had a stressful day?”   
  


Bucky raised his head, face still aflame. “Eh, no more than normal.” He studiously stared at his plate as he forked the noodles.

Clint just frowned as he watched Bucky and saw his tensed shoulders and slight frown lines despite being in his 30s. His overall demeanor reminded him of Natasha while she was studying for the LSAT and Clint had figured out how to de-stress her then, he could figure out how to help Bucky now.

Clint put the pot of noodles down, internally reminding himself to eat off of a plate next time now that he had a roommate, and walked around the counter to stand behind Bucky.

“Lean forward.” Clint said, resting his hand in between Bucky’s shoulder blades.

Bucky startled at the contact and looked warily over his shoulder. “What’re you-”   
  
“My best friend-the one i’ve lived with the last few years- got real stressed while studying for law school. I got real good at stress point massages.”

“You don’t have to do this Clint.”   
  
“Yeah, but you’re stressed and it’s something small I can do.”

“I-”   
  
Bucky’s protest was cut off by Clint prodding him sharply with his long fingers. His strong hands dug into a tight spot in between Bucky’s shoulders and made him cry out. A moment later, the knot gave way and Bucky’s whole posture shifted.

“Jesus”

“Just Clint is fine.” Clint replied lightly as he stepped back and Bucky turned on his kitchen stool to face him.

“That was-” Bucky looked at Clint’s hands like he was expecting them to be any different than usual. Their eyes met for a moment before Bucky realized how much he had to look up to make eye contact. “At least you can get things off of high shelves for me now.”   
  
Clint chuckled. “Or I can hide stuff on high shelves from you.”

“I’ll just stand on the counter.” Bucky argued. “Been doin it my whole life. You met Steve, he’s been my best friend for long enough that I’m used to tall blondes.”

Clint’s jovial face faltered a bit. “Oh- Steve…”

Bucky swallowed a mouthful of pasta hard, and coughed a bit. “You won’t have to pretend to be awkwardly professional in your own apartment when I invite your supervisor over to play Smash Bros. Steve won’t care.”   
  


There was a slightly awkward pause.

“And you can have any...guests over if you’d like.”   
  
Clint just snorted a laugh, setting down the glass of water he had been filling. “My only real friend lives in New York and anyone from home thinks we’re dating.”

Bucky nodded and there was another awkward pause.

“Have you… uh.” Clint’s voice cracked. “Have you thought about how to uh…”   
  
“Figure it out at work?” Bucky finished for him. He wiped his hands off and steepled them in front of his face. “I figured we’d wait til you were here longer and just say it happened since you moved. For like… HR purposes I don’t want them to doubt why you were hired.”   
  


Clint nodded and started washing the dishes he had used for dinner until Bucky shooed him. 

“You cooked, you don’t have to clean too.”

As if on cue, Clint’s phone rang with the custom ringtone Natasha had somehow made herself. 

“Go ahead, I’ll be ok on my own for a while.” 

Clint ducked his head to hide a grin and accepted the call as he swung his bedroom door shut and Natasha forwent any greeting.

“So, how was that?”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> stream seven by taylor swift for a vibe for this story/chapter tbh

The midwestern summer stretched into September, leading Barnes Tomatoes to significant quarterly growth and Bucky to significant stress. 

“We’ll get ‘im one day.” Kate noted one Friday when Bucky once again turned down an invite to happy hour in favor of remaining on a conference call. 

After their conversation on his first day, Clint and Kate had become fast friends. She filled a Natasha-shaped hole in his life and she had taken it upon herself to introduce him to the “big city” of Indianapolis. She and her girlfriend, America, had forced him into their group of friends despite him being much older than several of them.

Much to Clint's dismay, Bucky had gotten to know Natasha via her weekly video calls. Between the two of them, they could endlessly heckle and tease Clint about either his childhood or shenanigans at work. 

The original agreement had been to live together and keep the illusion of being together at least until all of Clint’s legal name change was complete.

He had gotten an updated birth certificate about a week ago, and he and Bucky were making plans for a small holiday party with their friends and co-workers.

“You’ve gotta tell him, you know?” Steve told Bucky one late night at the office. 

“Nah Stevie. I don’t gotta. It’s just a-” Bucky waved his hands vaguely. “Complication.”

“I think he wants to complicate with you, Buck.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I know half the office is talking about how you’ve gone soft since he started workin’ here.” Steve said with a raised eyebrow as he took a sip of the whiskey that Bucky had poured from his desk stash. 

“I am not going soft.” Bucky growled out, clenching his fist a bit too hard and cracking the plastic around his pen. 

“You’re allowed to have the life you want, Buck.” Steve said softly. 

Bucky just stared at the glass in front of him, paperwork long forgotten. “He makes me cocoa at night sometimes. He bites his lip when he’s concentrating on a new recipe. Once I was in the shower and he pounded on the door and yelled that he had forgotten his dick in the bathroom.”

Steve had just been giving Bucky his Judgemental Eyebrows but sputtered out a spray of whiskey at the last bit. 

“It sounds like you're in love with your fake boyfriend, Buck. C’mon that’s like the first rule.”

“I know Stevie. I know. I just-I can’t keep going home to him making dinner while singing Taylor Swift badly and not tell him I love him.”

“So just tell him!” Steve threw his hands in the air. Both of them knew this conversation wouldn’t go differently than the last several times they had had it. 

As if on cue, Bucky’s phone chimed with a message from Clint. 

_ Hey Buck, you comin home for dinner? I made sloppy joes but I'll turn the stove off if you’ll be late at the office.”  _

“What am I supposed to do here, Steve??” Bucky brandished his phone at him.

“You’re gonna walk outta the building, stop at the grocery store because it’s too damn late for a florist and get some purple flowers, and tell the man you’ve been pretending to date that you wanna date him for real.” 

Bucky scowled and slumped into his chair so only his eyes were visible over his huge desk. 

“Can you do it for me.” he pouted.

“No. I’m leaving now so either mope on your own or do something about it.”

Bucky knew Steve was right. He needed to figure out one way or another if he wanted to express his feelings or crush them before they got worse. 

Could Bucky have the life he wanted? Was he allowed? His initial thought was no, but his ma always said that initial thoughts were just what you were conditioned to think. Ironic, considering his ma was who had conditioned him to think he wasn’t allowed the life he wanted. 

He was turning the question over and over in his head when he noticed a supermarket across the street at a red light. 

“Fuck it.” He muttered to himself, pulling his car into the parking lot. 

There was another stressed-looking dude in the cut flowers section who gave him a sort of nod of camaraderie after Bucky hastily grabbed a bunch of irises and walked quickly out of the aisle. He made one more stop in the coffee aisle and had to stand on his tiptoes to grab a bag of the Liberica on the top shelf. Clint would drink any coffee if it was available, but was secretly a huge snob about fancy coffees. Clint had mentioned in passing that he had worked as a barista for a period of time while living on Natasha’s pull-out couch. Bucky didn’t know much about coffee but figured the same logic as wine could be applied, high shelf, higher price, higher quality. 

Bucky shifted anxiously on his feet while he waited for the elevator in his apartment’s garage. He suddenly felt silly carrying the cheap flowers and eyed the garbage can next to the elevator. The ding of the elevator interrupted his sudden impulsion to hide any evidence of his sudden courage to confess his feelings. 

He could hear Clint’s slightly off-key singing from the hallway as he hovered outside his own apartment. 

“Hey! Buck, I was getting worried that you had been in an accident or something.” Clint said as he turned around. 

He was stirring something on the stove gently and his hair was a bit askew. His shirt was a bit too stretched out in the shoulders, suggesting it might actually be Bucky’s. He had a lopsided grin and corgi socks on and Bucky couldn’t handle it anymore.

Bucky strode across the room purposefully, almost in what his friends called his murder strut, and pulled Clint’s face with both hands, smashing their lips together. Clint made a small noise and Bucky’s neck was awkwardly strained because he hadn’t quite planned it right. 

“Sorry! Sorry.” Bucky backed away quickly and turned around with his back puffed in a defensive stance. 

He felt a calloused hand gently turn him by the shoulder and Clint’s fingers under his chin to tilt his head up properly.

“Buck?” Clint asked, voice cracking. “Did you mean that?”

Bucky tried to look anywhere but at Clint. “Yeah. I meant to do it a little better, but I think you got the gist.” 

“Ok good.” Clint said before pulling him in for another kiss. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think one more chapter will tie this up nicely, maybe with some saucy times??? unless?
> 
> comments feed my family tysm


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ooof it's finally finished! thank you anyone who has been patient while i struggle to update this ever and for the lovely comments and ideas
> 
> this has been fun and i will forever love these bois
> 
> come chat with me on twitter @AskAboutOcto

Bucky paced in his office. It was the Friday before Christmas, the company holiday party was that evening, and he had a final meeting with the board of directors before the new calendar year. He and Clint had gotten serious, fast. He supposed that was what happened when you pretended to date to appease your families and moved in together after meeting once. But they were still making it work 5 months later, through some pretty rough arguments and office drama.

“Barnes?” His PA opened his door and gave him a grin. “The board’s all here, meeting room 4.”   
  
“Thanks Darce.” He gave her a pat on the shoulder, maybe a bit too forcefully by the way her knees buckled slightly. “Take off early? I know you probably want to get ready for the party tonight.”   
  
Darcy just grinned even wider. “I do. Will you be there with your brooding glass of whiskey tonight?”   
  
Bucky thought about what he had planned for his meeting. “I’ll be there. Jury’s still out on the brooding.”   
  
“You look better without it, boss.” Darcy said as they paused in front of the conference room. “See you tonight.”

The clicking of her heels faded off as Bucky felt himself steeling to go into the board meeting. The feeling was similar to how he used to zone out to take a shot during his Army days. He pushed the door open and strode in with confidence he didn’t quite feel.

“Good afternoon gentlemen. Happy holidays. I hope you and your families are well.”

The board members murmured meaningless platitudes back to him and went around to discuss their questions and concerns about the sales and growth. It had been a good year and the board was in good spirits.

“One last thing gentlemen.” Bucky swallowed as they wrapped up the spring projections. “I think I may be getting engaged soon. Well. I am going to propose soon.”   
  
“That’s wonderful, Barnes!”

“Oh congrats!”   
  
“Who’s the lucky lady?”

Bucky felt his gut twist and he looked at a speck on the wall in front of him. “It’s uh. It’s a fella. His name’s Clint.”

There was a beat of silence before Matt, his legal director cut in. “I’ll tell my husband to add you two to our New Queer’s Eve party guest list.”

Bucky just blinked and felt his mouth open slightly. The tension had broken, the other boardsmen were packing up their files and muttering amongst themselves. 

“Let us know how it goes, Barnes.” 

“Happy holidays.”   
  
“See you in January.”

Bucky felt himself absent-mindedly lock up his office and carry himself to the art department and into Steve’s office, plopping himself onto one of Steve’s chairs. Steve just looked up at him expectantly.

“So…..”   
  
“They didn’t care. Well like, they were interested but… did you know Matt from legal is gay?” Bucky floundered to find the right words. 

Steve looked like he was thinking about it. “I didn’t but it checks out now that you mention it. I think his husband’s a veteran. Marines.”

Bucky was just staring off at a plant on Steve’s desk. He felt his eyes tearing up and he tightened his fists. 

“Buck…” Steve poked the plant in Bucky’s line of sight. “What is it?” He asked softly. 

“My parents they-” His voice broke. “Did they ever tell me the truth? About anything?”

He looked up with wet eyes to meet Steve’s sideways frown. “I don’t know Buck. But you know what is true for you. You know how you feel, and what you feel, and what you want.”   
  
Bucky just blinked and felt a tear track down his face.

“You deserve the life you want, Bucky.” Steve said quietly, mirroring what he had said the night that Bucky had kissed Clint for the first time. “Clint deserves it too. I think he wants that life with you.”

“Thanks Stevie.” Bucky said thickly. “Promise you won’t tell everyone that you were my first kiss in your best man speech?”   
  
“I am absolutely not promising that.”

\----

Bucky drummed his fingers on the steering wheel while they waited for the red light at the end of the exit ramp. Clint was sitting in the passenger seat, long legs akimbo on the window and dashboard. His freshly-shaven mohawk looked fuzzy in the warm December light. He was tapping on his phone and a glint of gold on his left hand made Bucky’s mouth twitch into an involuntary smile. 

Clint, sensing eyes on him, twisted to look at Bucky. “Hey handsome.”   
  
“Hey sugar.” 

“You got somethin’ on your mind?”

Bucky gnawed on his lip as he navigated past a billboard with the 10 commandments on it and onto the country road. “Just…. You know.”   
  
Clint nodded. He knew Bucky was still nervous about going to his parent’s house for Christmas Day. They hadn’t yet announced to anyone that they were engaged, except for the entirety of the Indianapolis branch and Kate’s instagram followers via her livestreaming the proposal. 

“Hey.” Clint got Bucky’s attention again. He grinned. “If your parents say  _ one _ thing about me, about you, about us? We’re gonna have the most loudly gay rainbow sex on your chlidhood bed.”   
  
Bucky cracked a smile at that. 

  
“Buck? We’re gonna be ok.”   
  
And they were. 

**Author's Note:**

> find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/_AMAMOT) or i’m on [tumblr](https://askmeaboutmyoctopustheory.tumblr.com/)


End file.
